Still Smiling

Probably most of you know the thing that has been most on my mind almost since I started the blog. As proof that there are other things that occupy me, which certain people seem to doubt, no mention of it has been made in any post except one other than the one devoted to it, and a few hidden references. For though it may not have made it on to my blog, I believe no post has been made without it being in my mind. Yes, even those that had nothing to do with it. Ashley is half right that everything I do is wedding-related.

But only half-right. Really I haven't had that many wedding things to do, but it is Something to Smile About that has entertained my thoughts. I am, needless to say, still smiling, though I am staying in my skin these days.

One day shy of two weeks after the engagement, a little over a week past that post, my excitement had ebbed down to a fierce smile, no more shaking. I was babysitting the Dominguezes again. Once more, I heard the dog. I continued with what I was doing, wondering absently if anyone was there. However, when I thought I heard Lillie murmur, "Grace,"  my interest was piqued. Why would Grace be here? I wondered. I hurried around the corner-and sure enough, there was Grace outside the door.

As before, we said nothing at first, just sort of laughed and grinned as we hugged. She said, "We could make this a habit!"

Then she asked if I'd gotten her email that day, which said she "had something to bring by to" me. I hadn't. She had called home and Melody told her where I was, so, being in the area, she stopped by.

"We decided," she said, "that you can either clean up after the wedding, or be a bridesmaid." I think I actually thought she was asking me to clean up after the wedding. Knowing where they thought of having the reception, I thought about what I would do there-and then I shook myself. Grace would not take time to come here to ask me to clean up after the wedding! If she wanted me to clean up, she would just ask me at church. Wait...was she...she had asked me to be a bridesmaid!

I tried to think of a good reply, but I couldn't think of anything to say except yes. Since that was unthinkable, I said, "I guess I'll clean up...I'm not sure I want to be associated with this."

"I think it's a little late for that," she said.

Like taking pictures at the engagement, this was something that had crossed my mind-and this, multiple times. But I didn't expect her to, so I consciously didn't think about it. I believe I had myself completely convinced that there were too many people she could have and that she wouldn't ask me.

You may have noticed the parallels between that Thursday and the Saturday after the engagement. It was strange and amusing how similar it was. "Next time you want to come see me, tell me so I can ask the Dominguezes if I can babysit," I've told her.

Grace told me, "I really wanted you to take pictures so I was like, 'How badly do I want Jeannette to be a bridesmaid?'" We thought I could do both-taking pictures down the aisle would provide a unique perspective. ;-)

At last she said, "So, you never actually answered. Do you want to be a bridesmaid?" I said nothing, but smiled and nodded.

"I just wanted to see if you could smile any bigger," she said.

I could-for I was just getting to be able to control my excitement, but now I was shaking again.

Being in the wedding has been a wonderful excuse for me talk about it. My interests in all things wedding were there already, but I feel more excused to talk about "the wedding I'm in" than "my friend's wedding" to people who don't know Grace, and they are more interested when I say I'm being a bridesmaid than if I talk about the wedding of my friend whom they don't know, believe it or not. Plus, it gives me something to talk about-I'd feel like talking about it if I weren't in it, but I might not have much to say.

Dad has long given over the title of family photographer to me. Sometimes, on my birthday, or on Christmas, someone else will use a camera, Melody often, but usually if there's a photo taken, it's my doing, which means aside from occasions or self-portraits, there are rarely any pictures of me. If there are, someone outside of our family took them and I don't have them. I realized I have no picture of me in my dress. I had opportunities, but whenever I was wearing it, I forgot to take a picture. I'm not used to there being a reason to have my picture taken-normally I'd rather not.

My dress is beautiful-everyone who sees it comments on the cool color, which is one of my favorite things about it; it's a striking blue that looks like something I would have chosen myself, and a full, A-line style, which I also like. When it was taken to be hemmed, I missed it hanging in our room (though I did not put it on every day while I had it-in fact, I only randomly put it on once). At first when they talked about wearing it again, I thought that the dress will be so "Ryan and Grace's wedding" to me that I won't want to wear it anywhere else. Now, I think I'll be so attached to it I'll wear it around for fun sometimes if nothing else.

Being a bridesmaid is an experience for someone who's never been in a bridal store before, never had a formal dress or gone dress shopping, can count the number of times she's been in a mall on her hands, maybe on one, never had anything like a manicure or something done professionally, even a haircut, and the only wedding she was involved much in was when she was under the age of three. It's a fun, memorable experience.

Which is why, instead of thinking, Seven weeks till the wedding! as I did before, I'm thinking, In three weeks, the wedding will be over. While it's very exciting for Ryan and Grace, for me, after that, there will be nothing left to smile about.

Just kidding, Grace. Unless you decide you like it in Alaska and move there, I'll still be smiling. ;-)