On My Wedding Day

Today is the day, the long awaited.

Today is the last day I wake up before anyone else, marveling at the quiet, dark house, slipping out of my bunk bed quietly lest I wake my sisters. The last that I fall asleep with my little sister's warm body beside me, her arms thrown around my neck. The last that I pull our blankets off the windows so the early morning light can shine in. The last I admire the clean, freshly swept carpet and clean kitchen after we readied for guest.

Last night, I realized I'd miss hearing my dad and little sister laugh at Youtube videos together in the background, as I dried the dishes for my sisters for the last time. We didn't sing, but I thought of how I would miss singing together as we work, knowing and enjoying all the same ridiculous or beautiful songs.

Of course, not all of these things will really be the last time. Many of them will happen again, but it will be with me as a visitor in what right now feels like my own home.

I have been so blessed in my wonderful, crazy family, and only something exciting and amazing would convince me to leave.

Something like Parker, and a life with him.

How strange it is to think that tonight, we'll be married. We'll be able to do things together. The apartment is my home, my base, where I will do everyday things like write and clean and make food. I won't be at my big metal desk, nor in the kitchen where everything's in a logical place. I can't assume that dishes and clothes and food will get done even if I don't help. That is a rather exciting and fun thought, for I will only have things to do for two. That seems ridiculously small.

After school starts, I will not go down back towards Dorr St. and Crissey. I won't ask Dad to take my checks to the bank, nor ask my sisters if we have anything to eat.

But instead, I will go home to Parker.

I am not nervous this morning. Nor am I scared or even sad, despite my thoughts of what I will miss. What I am is hungry from waking up so early and the fact that we're not making pancakes for a while yet.

When I think of what our life and marriage will be like, I am excited and a little somber. I know it's a big thing that I've signed up for, and I have no illusions - well, perhaps I do, but subconsciously - that it will be easy.

But it will be good. Parker is amazing at helping me to grow.

My prayer is that God will bless us with a godly marriage, that we will quickly learn and establish good patterns so that we are able to serve well.

I am excited and happy and waiting. And yet, calm. Everything feels natural, just as I suspected it might, as most things that are right do.

I can't wait to see what God has in store for us.


Apparently that's what it's like if I really write on my wedding day.