Faithful in Past and Future

Today is the last day of 2012. That's a crazy thought.

Where were you twelve months ago? Isn't that an interesting thought to ponder? And I don't mean physically only, of course. Emotionally, spiritually, in your relationships, in your thoughts...where were you?

It's amazing how quickly we forget. Things that I thought at the time I'd never forget are now like a dream in the morning-as it hovers in the back of your mind, you can almost recall it, but not quite.

The past year has been full, it seems, with lots of change. I suppose that's always true, and perhaps every year it seems more true than before-again, how quickly we forget. I wonder how many times I have remarked, "That seems like a really long time ago," about something that happened this year. Things as close as September seem long ago. Hey, things as close as the beginning of this month...

Which makes written records fun and interesting.

Perhaps a few of you have read my blog and realized I am quoting myself. The first line actually originally read "Today is the last day of 2011."

Quoting yourself, or hearing others quote you, is an odd experience. It has happened a few times to me this year. It's quite interesting and rather strange.

But that has nothing to do with this post.

Like I said last year, it's remarkable how quickly we forget. I could write the exact same thing I wrote last year and it would be true. Which makes written records fun and interesting.

And challenging. I began this year, and other times throughout the year-indeed, last year as well-with so many good intentions. Yet I failed so much. It is disheartening, yet a happy thought to know that the only way I have changed or endured in any good thing has been the power of Christ overruling my natural tendency to revert to lazy indulgence, selfish self-love, forgetful ignorance.

This has been a year of growth, a year of many new experiences, both very good and very difficult, a year of new and deepening relationships. From simple growing up things like driving a few times, getting a bank account, taking the ACT; to Something to Smile About, to college, to the beginning of the answering of my prayers last year for a deeper love for the Lord, though I have begun to realize how unworthy I am, I have found the Lord faithful. I have been blessed in too many things to name in friendships, finances, schooling, family, possessions, wisdom, opportunities.

So many things I am beginning to understand that never quite made sense before. Things that adults say I begin to understand for myself.

I don't like it when people say generic things like that when you know they have something specific in mind, so I shall elaborate. That is one of the things I have come to understand better: having things that you don't really want to share all of the details. So often I wish people would just say it, because I am curious-I am a Beerbower after all, and I want to know. But having been on the other side, I understand better. Sometimes you want to say it, but it really is wiser not to.

Which relates to another thing I've begun understand. I see myself doing the same things that annoyed me in adults, things that confused me, like why someone would bother to swim for just a few minutes, or prefer watching the running around to joining in, not wanting to even get up from his seat. Things like not having enough time to write an email, even though few people take as long as I do, disliking the snow, or wanting to drive in it, or finding preparing for something a big deal. Many things, like church functions or having people over or taking pictures or getting presents, take a lot more work than you realize until you really see the behind the scenes and consider them.

I have found myself questioning. Questioning what I believe, and why. Questioning what I do, and why I do it. It has been a good experience, for questions are the way you learn. I have been challenged to believe things, not because that is what those around me have believed, or because I have reasoned it out, but because the Word of God says it.

It has been especially sweet this year to see the answering of prayers. As I struggled with certain things, I felt discouraged, and then I realized: God was answering my prayers.

I struggled with frustration over my sinfulness. Suddenly, I remembered last year, asking for a greater desire for holiness, a stronger hatred for sin, and a deeper love for the Lord. He was honoring those prayers!

I struggled with difficulties in friendships and drama, which was difficult because I could not remember having done that before. Yet God uses perseverance through difficulties to give us wisdom, something I have asked the Lord for many times.

I had struggled with my grandfather's death, and, though loss surprises us even after we thought it has gone so that I will probably have to deal with it again, He brought resolution and peace to my mind.

Last year I asked God to bless me with a mentor. This year, I have benefited from the wisdom and friendship of many older girls-and even some younger than I, yet whose fellowship and example have encouraged and challenged me. The blessing of God's people is amazing.

Considering the year ahead, I am excited to see how God will work.  He has given me the desire for wisdom and holiness, for joy and satisfaction, to be useful and encouraging, to bring Him glory, and though I cannot obtain those things on my own, He promises that those who ask receive, and those who seek find. Though I know that my idea of how it will go may be very different than what actually happens, and that many times I will fail in the visions I now have for the walk ahead of me, I smile at the future, knowing that God is faithful.